The Difficulty of Beginning again.

Throughout my life i have been a bit of a wandering hobo.



Surely I did not technically travel around the world or even country like a military family, or like the friends i have known. I did however choose to bounce from school to school not knowing anyone when I arrived at each new place.



Starting over can be pretty great. You can rebuild your personal story however you would like. The people around you are new and any mistakes that may have haunted you in the past cant be escaped at a new place. The people are knew and Mr. Socialite Josh cannot get enough of meeting random strangers.



The negative part of this lifestyle is that you fail to gain roots. You miss out on those friends in your neighborhood that you went to school with from 2 years old. I do not think you can ever get the connection others do when they have a certain amount of time together. This is one reason that my brother and I will always be best friends. No one can replace the amount of hours we have spent in our lifetime just being there. Our shared experiences are far too numerous to count. The connection that those experiences bring really give a shared connection that is unconquerable.



I struggled for a long time because I felt that I was missing this deep connection. What a silly boy I am.



This song "Youth" by the band Daughter dives into the idea that in our eternal search for love many of us "set fire in our insides" due to the empty "silhouette" we become without THAT ONE.



I just think we all need a good smack in the face sometimes. We all have so much! It is so easy to get into the compare game. To see someone out there that has one thing we are currently searching for, wanting or even needing. How many times though is that same person looking the very same way at us?



When it comes to relationships the stories most told are the beginning and the end. We are so infatuated with how we met and how it ends. The middle is a lost, forgotten, and skipped piece of history.



The freaking middle is everything though! It is what makes relationships of any kind worth it. Those fleeting moments when you actually get to be in the presence of another person. To share the same air of another is such a gift. Seeing what someone else sees and sharing their experiences gives you just that little bit more of a connection with another human being.



Each experience is unique and whether it is walking through a park on a sunny day holding hands with a lover, or its getting into a car accident with a stranger you just met, that is something you will always share with that human being. And to me that is pretty damn special.



So do not forget to smile today and take a second to realize how every one of these moments is special. Do not forget to share them with others.



Connect. Be a part of something. And as always Love.

Total Eclipse of the Heart

What a beautiful wedding.

The moon was so close, so red, and so very eclipsed on the night of romance dancing and vanilla ice remixes.

I just cannot help, but love weddings. This was the first wedding in a while where I really enjoyed myself. I think it is mostly because I was with my good friends. It is much easier to feel loved and escape that lonely feeling when surrounded by great people. My friend looked BEAUTIFUL and her hubby was a sexy man as well. They just both looked so freaking happy.....talk amongst yourselves I'm becoming verklempt.

One odd thing was that I did of course picture myself up there, but with a different bride. That sort of irked me, but i suppose its understandable. When you love someone I do think its one of those forever things. It may change in degrees of amplitude, but itll always be there. Oh LOVE!

The real topic I wanted to discuss today though was that of dancing. Now, I am by no means a good dancer. I do love to dance though. A wonderful young woman said to me as we danced "might as well take advantage of the fun they allow us to have at these things". I think that is a very accurate statement. Dancing is so much fun!!! I know some do not agree with that statement, but I think it is because too many people are self conscious. That has never really been a problem for me.

Dancing for me has be a romantic outlet for so freaking long. I am not exactly sure when this happened, but I can remember many instances. 

One time I stayed at a girlfriends house for thanksgiving. Day one of seven she decided to let me know she had been sleeping with her ex during our time together. I went out and danced at a gothic night club which really made me feel better. The way that you can just shake and move your body in a reckless wild way to attempt to express your inner angst is just cathartic. 

Anyways, I recommend going out there and just shaking it like a Polaroid picture. Give it a go and let it all go. 

I Can Hear the Bells

This weekend I am attending a wedding!



I absolutely love weddings. Good food, so many people, full night of dancing, and I get to dress up. These are all things I highly enjoy. The past few weddings that I have attended made me reflect on how great it shall be when I have my own wedding one day. No, I do not have my own secret wedding pinterest, but I have imagined my wedding a few too many times.



Anyways, this specific wedding has a few more levels of intrigue. Here comes the back story.



About five years ago (wow I cannot believe its been that long) I moved back home to Michigan from Boston. I left all of the friends I had made over the past four years and was for the most part friendless. After the first few lonely months my cousin invited me out to a bar trivia night. I jumped on the opportunity and had an amazing time. Eventually I found out that I was not invited for my peppy attitude and knowledge of random things, but instead to be "set up" with one of their friends.



Needless to say I failed....hard. I was too young and well yeah it doesn't really matter, but it just didn't work out. However it worked out extremely well! That group of trivia nerds has become my closest friends. Though I did not ever date the friend we became good friends ourselves and she is now getting married. Her fiance, soon to be husband and I have also become good friends even more so lately. I cannot even imagine what it would have been like to not be added to this group of wonderful people. Trivia night is still a thing (though not as consistently) along with board game nights, tailgates, and other sorts of debauchery.



So sure, I may not have found love quite yet. I may not have may wonderful partner to cuddle up with at night, hold hands with walking down the street, or lay next to while watching the starts, but I have some darn great friends.



So this weekend I will be celebrating my good friend's wedding and shaking my booty on the dance floor. It suppose it comes back to the fact that there are so many variations of love. The love of friends is a pretty important one. I just have to keep that piece of knowledge in the forefront of my mind.



Happy Thursday to all and rock on this weekend! Lets make the end of September a good one!

Going the Distance

"I would go most anywhere to feel like I belong."



The concept of belonging has been somewhat of a foreign one throughout my life. I have never really fit in anywhere.



I never followed friends from school to school. I didn't have neighborhood friends for long stretches of life. Even the friends I did make I always have felt like an outsider. A new addition that was never part of the inside jokes and didnt seem to be around for the memories each held dear.



I even feel distant from my family at times. Partially due to abandoning them during my college years, but mostly because I am just different. It is pretty easy for me to fit in anywhere. I have a somewhat chameleon type personality. I can mesh with most groups and find mindless chatter easy. I am happy enough to brighten even a downer group so I am normally accepted with open arms. The question becomes do I really "belong"



I am so grateful for my siblings who are my best friends. I couldn't ask for much more when it comes to those I have become close to over the years in Boston and Michigan. Even those I have dated who seem to know me so well bring a bit of sparkle to my life. I am just missing something. Deep down as Mr. Hercules says I just feel like an outsider too often in my own presence.



I am very happy in my own skin. I am happy being alone. I just would prefer to not feel so gosh darn lonely so often. Who knows if this is a me problem or an everyone problem. Maybe belonging is just a feeling sold to me by corporate America. Possibly I am looking for something that is too ideal or perfect. I just think its about time to jump back on my Pegasus and visit my good buddy Zeus. Roadtrip? Eurotrip? We shall see, but I guess that is what makes life so much fun. You never know what awaits you around the next corner. As long as you keep on looking there is always something new and a bit more hope to hang on to.